maybe if i sigh deep enough i’ll die
Literally today though.
There’s a difference between “lazy” and “i don’t want to fucking do that shit”
Give yourself permission to immediately walk away from anything that gives you bad vibes. There is no need to explain or make sense of it. Fuck that.
I didn’t like my face in it.
I’ve been going through weird bouts of self loathing. Hormonal things.
"Never pray. Always trust the fucking numbers."
Sitting in the airport so stoned that I’m surprised they let me through security, Chicago bound. It’s a forty five minute flight, I have the weekend off so with my dad working for united he was like fuck it save the bus money and just fly, so I am.
We move into our new place on Monday. I’m Christmas morning excited about it. All tingling antsy and jumpy in my tummy. I’ve been living in a fucking basement with no heat and no windows out of goddamn boxes for a MONTH. I’m done. This weekend is for present shopping and apt shopping and family things since I didn’t get to see either of my family members on thanksgiving so we’re going to cook a giant dinner tonight together and then my older sister and I are going to a show. It’s also nice to go to the city alone and let Ben do his thing here with his friends.
Thank god for weekends off.
House to my self, all my room mates are at their families and Ben is at work till two am. I’m drinking and lounging around the kitchen smoking joints and making pasta. I have no turkey but I bought a pie and some wine and some apple beer that’s making my head feel fizzy. I feel weird and lonely being here by myself. I’m trying to ignore it by watching the first season of American Horror Story (which I haven’t seen) and getting drunk.